Better coping strategies should be devised for those who are emotionally abused

Jun 07, 2012 Letters

DEAR EDITOR,
Once again the print and electronic media is inundated with news of domestic violence perpetuated against women. These unforgivably destructive acts are so innumerable that it makes it almost difficult to fully assimilate, comprehend and fathom that which was previously read about. Although there has never been an abatement of this scourge, the frequency of these horrendous acts has been appalling recently, as far as I can remember.
Nonetheless, because of my esoteric interest on this topic area and my lack of tolerance for brutality against women despite how reprehensible the circumstances are, I am molested with the temptation to add my bit.
Wednesday’s Editorial in Kaieteur News puts it so eloquently and incontrovertibly truthful ‘’females and males are equal and must be given autonomy to make their own decisions’’. Regardless of our academic credentials, status and perception of the archaic unwritten rule where one gender has dominion over the other, we are all independent beings and should be allowed to think and act, though some may seldom exhibit appropriate behaviour choices; understandably these choices can evoke excruciating and poignant emotions for the other.
I always reiterate that the true character of either a spouse or mate, in whatever the definition of the relationship, is revealed in the absence or presence for those who are audacious. We have no control over what decision the other half will make. We can only rely upon them to make rational decisions in keeping with high moral standards and principles mutually agreed upon.
However, the common thread which runs through these dastardly acts is infidelity. Now in no way am I justifying these acts or leveling the blame at the feet of a particular gender. But, it must be stated categorically that emotional abuse can shred the very existence of the affected. Think about a spouse, either male or female, who has invested a lot into a relationship, only to unearth evidence of the other spouse’s infidelity. Whether the actions were scurrilous or inadvertent, it will undeniably cut to the very core of that individual who is affected.
The old maxim ‘‘different folks different strokes’’ is in effect. No two individuals are the same, and as such, different subjects of abuse will react differently. Some may become tearful and walk away, some may shed tirades of invectives, some will react violently, some suicide, etc.
I have vivid recollection of the guy on the Essequibo Coast who because of a supposedly unfaithful wife, took the lives of his indefensible and innocent children and subsequently his. My speculation for that was he knew that his demise alone would have been inconsequential to his wife, so he selfishly and cruelly took the lives of his adorable kids as well, which he assumed would have been catastrophic for her.
In my view, there is no room for domestic abuse, regardless of how painful the situation, however, it is my considered opinion that better mechanisms should be shrewdly and discreetly put in place to deal with men who are emotionally abused. The reason for this point is because of the perception that men are supposedly tough and can ‘suck it up’. But this is far from the truth. I may be wrong, but I will speculate that the physical abuse meted out to some of those helpless women was as a result of their spouses’ inability to cope and handle the situations rationally.
Ultimately, a revered teacher and colleague of mine always said, ‘do not play with human emotions’.
Raul Khan

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Better coping strategies should be devised for those who are emotionally abused

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