ALL ARE INVITED

Jul 04, 2011 Features / Columnists, Peeping Tom

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June is the month of brides but surprisingly, for me, there were not many wedding invitations in my mailbox last month.
It seems that December is now becoming more popular and the time when many Guyanese prefer to get married. And it is not a bad time at all since Guyanese always seem to have extra money during that period, there are many visitors in the country and the atmosphere with the decorations and goodwill seems more conducive to weddings than June, the month of brides.
I asked around about why there were so few marriages last month and got an interesting reply. Most persons prefer July and August so that their relatives from overseas can come for the wedding ceremonies.
There is now a steady flow of visitors to Guyana just to attend weddings. And since many of these overseas- based Guyanese like to come with their families when school is out, a great deal of the weddings are now being planned to coincide with the summer holidays. It shows how global our weddings have become, no longer just being an event for close families and friends in Guyana but also those outside.
A great deal of the paraphernalia also come from abroad, including the wedding dresses, the printing of the wedding invitations and a great deal of the money to bring off the weddings which these days are far larger than before with a large number of invitees.
Many a bride and groom and of course their parents will recount that they lost some very good friends after weddings because those persons were deeply offended at not being invited to the ceremony. It is something that happens all the time. No matter how thorough you try to be, there will  always be someone whose name gets left off the guest list. That person feels deeply offended at the slight and this is why the period after the wedding brings its own trepidations for both the newlyweds and their parents because you can bet your bottom dollar that during the wedding ceremony some cochore will ask why Mr. So and So was not present at the wedding. It happens all the time!
What also happens is that many invitations out of courtesy are addressed to Mr. and Mrs. So and So and Family. That is where the problem begins because some persons feel that they have a right to pack their entire family and bring them to the wedding ceremony. All the children, no matter how small are bundled together, and packed off well dressed and dandy to the reception hall. The little ones take up most of the seating so that by the time the latecomers arrive it is standing room only.
When someone receives an invitation inviting them and their family it is simply a courtesy just in case there are elderly persons in the family who may not feel that they are invited and thus be offended. But does it really mean that all those little kids have to be fetched to the wedding?
This is the amazing thing in Guyana and it is also present overseas where invitees somehow feel an obligation to take their small kids for the experience. But what experience do these kids need about sitting and listening to a whole set of long, often boring, never-ending speeches, going way past bedtime? By the time the ceremony is warming up, most of the kids are sleepy-eyed and the parents have to be tugging them to corners so that they can doze off.
Period, children under 12-years of age should not be at weddings. This should be an adult and teenage affair. Most weddings would be far better if kids were left at home.
But trying telling that to some of the invitees who read the invitation and insist that it says, “family.” This means that everyone is invited, from the baby to the ten-year old and they all have to get a seat, have a meal and consume plenty of soft drinks. No wonder weddings are so prohibitively expensive.
In weddings in the countryside, the whole village is normally invited even if they do not get an invitation. They are free to partake of the festivities which mean free food, free drinks and loud music.
In recent years however, there have been some disgusting developments where bars are set up outside of religious weddings so that those who wish to consume alcohol may do so outside of the premises. This is something that needs to be halted. If the wedding custom prohibits alcohol, then no alcohol should be permitted anywhere near the wedding precincts.
At the same time, invitees should show some understanding about just how many persons they take to wedding. They should remember that the wedding is primarily about the bride and groom and not about them entertaining their extended and often large families at the expense of others.
So the next time you get an invitation that says Mr. and Mrs. So and So and family, forget about the family. Go with your spouse, and if you do not have a spouse go alone. You do not need to go to the trouble of finding a date for a wedding. It is someone else’s event not yours.

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