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An Indonesian rat is terrorizing Demerara

May 20, 2011 Features / Columnists, Freddie Kissoon

The public statement by GPL that a rat caused havoc with its system leading to widespread electricity disruptions in the county of Demerara was the joke of the entire country. Websites dealing with Guyana devoted graphic attention to the episode. If GPL was a joke and if the clowns that run Guyana make people laugh, then this one was the big whooper. This one took the cake. A rat did what humans couldn’t do – play the game of sabotage with an unpopular government. This could not have been an ordinary rat. I did some research on this extraordinary rodent and found some interesting scientific material on him. I think the people of Demerara should seek help from top industrial countries because this is a bad, bad rat. Nicknamed the Indonesian rat because it is bigger than the mythical Indonesian dragon (see the first James Bond movie, Dr. No, to get an idea of this monster) This beast is usually found in the Kingston area. It likes to drink rum. One suspected that it invaded the rum-shop close to GPL and got intoxicated. It skipped across to GPL and sought sleep in the switchgear section. It likes to lie on its back with its hand on its chest while it is sleeping. It was while it was dreaming, it let off a fart and that destroyed some live wires that triggered the blackouts in the entire Demerara system. What GPL did not state in the press release was if the monster got incinerated. Apparently, when sparks started to fly, it “mystic” out of the place. Research on the Indonesian rat that lives only in Guyana makes for interesting reading. It is neither invertebrate nor rodent. It is an ancient, repulsive creature which is an evolutionary predecessor of all backbone creatures. It has loose fitting skin that can be likened to pajamas several sizes too large. It is said that its skin can be used to make leather craft. Scientists have had difficulty giving it a name. Some labels include Indonesian rat, monster rat, pot belly rabbit, Kingston monster, Guyana cable-eater. There is no explanation so far why its natural habitat is the Kingston district in Guyana in South America. They could be found in the gutters of all the streets in Kingston. Someone said that when Premier Cheddi Jagan nationalized the Guyana Electricity Corporation in the late fifties and made his tailor the manager of the new company, the colonials sought to fight back. They put a strange chemical in the diesel and just as when you dig a hole in cheese and pour wine inside, and left for days, worms emerge, the diesel produced these monster rats. This explains why they are in Kingston only. Any night you walk through Kingston by GPL, you can hear strange sounds coming from the gutters. The Guyana man-eaters feed on fish. They first attack them from the mouth, then bite off their gills and anus devouring everything in seconds. Research shows that the Guyana cable-eater has strange eyes which are sensitive to light. This explains why that particular bastard found himself in the switch gear. It was too dark in the night and he was drunk. Contrary to what is being said in Georgetown, the Indonesian giant didn’t bite the cable. You see the monster rat is a peculiar animal. Its mouth opens sideways to reveal a large forked tongue. It secretes foul gobbets of slime which is produced in prodigious qualities. This is used for defence. It was either the fart or running slime that got onto the cable and thus knocked the Demerara circuits out of control. The Kingston monster rat hunts in groups. Since this particular beast got way, he is going to come back with his buddies. It can be assumed he is waiting for the two Wartsila engines just bought to ease the blackout madness Guyana is experiencing. The really bizarre thing about this primitive animal is that it has political sense. It can distinguish between democracy and dictatorship. It doesn’t like dictators (for some strange evolutionary reason) and it seeks to sabotage their rule by biting up physical infrastructures of the country. What is Freedom House, President Jagdeo and presidential candidate Ramotar going to do? The Wartsila engines must be protected. But these rats are mean bastards. There is going to be a rodent campaign beginning from today to exterminate these ferocious gigantic rodents. Martin Walker, the Guardian (London) reporter in Moscow in the eighties, once wrote that the ugliest creature he has ever seen was the Russian cockroach. What about the Kingston rat?

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