King Kong ain’t gat nuttin on me, Stella!

Feb 20, 2011 Features / Columnists, Freddie Kissoon

I hereby reply to Stella’s Friday piece, “Freddie, your fly is down.” Stella did you see the movie “Training Day’ when Denzel Washington yelled out “King Kong ain’t got sh.t on me.” Well it is the same here, Stella. My fly is never down, Stella. If it was ever down, King Kong would have ate me up already.
Most Guyanese, if not the entire population, know the little dictators in this land hate me to the point where they will endanger my life. They threw filth in my face.
They incarcerated me in the uncivilized Brickdam lock-up where I slept next to feces on a concrete floor for two days and nights.
They demand a poor gentleman like me pay property tax going back eight years. They sued me for libel. They refused to clean the trench in front of my home. They say I stole books from around the world (they should try reading some proper texts).
They are a sordid bunch always looking to get at me. If my fly was ever down. Stella, they would have broadcast it to the world. But they can’t. They are still looking for dirt, Stella. King Kong ain’t gat nuttin on me, Stella, and will never.
They are looking but they ain’t going to find nuttin. Take UG. I have lectured at that institution for 25 years. There has never been a complaint against me from the more than ten thousand students I have taught.
Even the family members and the relatives of the little dictators that I have tutored at UG cannot say for one moment that I have been unprofessional. I have never spoken a word on Guyanese politics in the classroom.
King Kong ain’t going to find me with my fly down, Stella. I never smoked a cigarette, never did drugs, never touched any form of alcohol; don’t club, don’t party, don’t do the cocktail round.
I am an early bird; hardly out beyond 21:00 hours. I am madly in love with my wife of 32 years and my only kid. And I have a lovely garden with which I have an extra-marital affair. Oh, I forgot, Stella! I do have a sin I committed. I did steal some books when I was age sixteen. The little dictators should have done that too. It would have civilized them. The baby Mubaraks told the Guyanese people they finally found some dirt.
After filth was thrown on my face, they said it was the father of a young lady I approached for sex. But guess what, Stella? Then the tiny Idi Amins did a strange thing. They fell in love with me. They chose not to bring the man and his daughter in front of the Guyanese people. And even stranger, they refused to prosecute me under the Sexual Molestation Act.
Then Stella, an eerie development took place. Some highly placed people at Kaieteur News, including its owner, Mr. Glenn Lall and its editor, Adam Harris, got vital information as to who my attackers were and who sent them. Now that is a political scandal, Stella. But more on that after the elections, when the tiny Hitlers lose power.
So that is it, Stella. My fly is never down. If it ever was, the baby Mubaraks would have kept it on the front page of that gutter newspaper, the Chronicle, for years and years.
I am sorry we couldn’t meet for lunch. I must confess, my music was more important than coffee. Stella, you would be amazed to see the size of my music collection. In my heart I do like you, and I appreciate what you are doing for the country of your husband, and mine, too. Wild horses cannot keep me away from you when you return next week from the US. We will do lunch. But you will have to buy.
I do admit I have a name in Guyana, Stella. But it begins and ends there. Perhaps you can say I wasted my life working for 25 years at UG with a rotten pay. And to think that pay is taxed twice. When I receive it, tax is already deducted. Then when I put the cheque in the bank, I have to pay property tax on my account, courtesy of a man at the GRA named, Khurshid Sattaur.
But that is the price one pays for fighting a dictatorship. So when you return, we have a rendezvous, but your pocket (I know you only wear pants but skirts have pockets too; will buy a skirt for you on your birthday) will be the avenue.
Finally, you did say in that article on my fly that my style is confrontational. Yes it is. When you are dealing with a vicious dictatorship as we have here, it has to be that way. It must be that way with dictatorship. See you soon!

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King Kong ain’t gat nuttin on me, Stella!

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