The society fosters domestic violence

Nov 17, 2010 Letters

Dear Editor,
The current debate/discussion on domestic violence plaguing our society and which is being televised through the programme “Our Culture Our Life” is a good sign; that we are not folding our arms accepting violence as the norm, or as an aspect of our existence even as it consumes us.
So far I have only listen to two discussions, where in one of them a panelist-a man of the cloth-was rather mechanical and callous in presenting his views.
The goodly Reverend left no room for any positive resolve between a couple having problems: “call in the police”, “move she out”, “get him out”.
Such approach solves nothing. We need to understand that it is counterproductive to have policemen who are not trained in this area to be dealing with these fragile and volatile situations, not to mention the many policemen/women who are also experiencing domestic crisis and need help also.
Then there are those with hidden agenda who are eager to get involved. Too many times we beat around the bush, stubbornly refusing to face this issue fair and square, avoiding the harsh related factors that are some of the major contributing causes: economic; infidelity; emasculation and the list goes on.
I’m afraid that unless we sincerely and meaningfully attempt to grapple with these hard factors, our efforts will be likened to a dog baying at the moon—an exercise in futility.
Indeed, this violence story is a tall order and is likely to remain with us maybe until God or whoever remakes this world. Like accidents they will continue to happen, try as we may to prevent them.
Our society, since time immemorial, has been resolving issues by hostile and violent methods, thus it has become inherent and accepted, now assuming crisis proportion in our homes, environs and society as a whole.
It is indeed troubling that we still conduct life along lines of old unwritten and accepted principles, where violence is used as the rod of correction, discipline and control across board. We flog our children at home and in schools; we flog prisoners. Violence is extolled in our society today more than ever; we crave it.
Check the movies that are sold. Mostly, they are the ones with the most graphic and gruesome killings that leaves you cold and scared; they are the ones that reflect the brutalization of women in every way conceivable.
Our young men practise it and our young women tacitly accept it until it is out of control. Children bully and beat up upon others many times ostensibly in retaliation for something done to them. Clearly, violence begets violence.
Through fear instilled, violence reigns and has been a part of our disciplinary code.
Lastly, I have noted the point made by the Hindu brother during one of the sessions who shared with us, non Hindus, the concept of the “first word” upon entering their homes as practised by them.
I tend to agree that rather than adding fuel to a husband who would have been irritated at work, he should be allowed the first word upon entering his home so as to gauge his mood, thus avoiding a probable conflict. But reverse this order and see how it works: what of the woman/wife who has also been “at work” at home for the whole day and was stressed out and in a terrible mood, shouldn’t she be allowed to have the first say to anyone entering the home to gauge her mood and avoid similar conflict?
Or is her mental state from such work not respected?
Frank Fyffe

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The society fosters domestic violence

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