A NEW APPROACH OF LOOKING AT PARTNER ASSAULT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Sep 26, 2010 AFC Column, Features / Columnists

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By Sixtus Edwards BSc (Hon)
Psychologist
General Secretary AFC

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is a violent confrontation between family or household members involving physical harm, sexual assault, or fear of physical harm. Family or household members include spouses/former spouses, those in (or formerly in) a dating relationship, adults related by blood or marriage, and those who have a biological or legal parent-child relationship.
Domestic violence is a serious crime that thrives on the use of emotional, psychological and physical abuse to control and isolate the victim. It is enacted by both men and women across all socioeconomic classes, ethnicity, culture and race. Domestic violence is often fuelled by stress, substance abuse and repeating the cycle of learned behaviour. Children that witness domestic violence suffer and have the haunting memories to live with.
The violence may not happen often, but may remain a hidden and constant terrorizing factor, Domestic violence is not only physical and sexual violence but also psychological. Psychological violence means intense and repetitive degradation, creating isolation, and controlling the actions or behaviours of the spouse through intimidation or manipulation to the detriment of the individual.

The root causes

The single most influential factor of domestic violence in society is the continuation of a generational cycle of abuse and/or a history of abuse in the family of origin. Children who grow up in an environment where control is maintained through verbal threats and intimidation and conflicts escalate into physical violence, are more likely to resort to the same methods of abuse as adults. There are, however, a number of factors that may lead to domestic violence.
· An environment where violence is either taught, by example, or accepted as “normal” will imprint upon a child’s psyche. A young boy may see his father come home from work drunk and angry, screaming at his mother. He watches his mother attempt to please and placate his father’s drunken behaviour. The young boy is being taught that violence gets results. He is developing his own ideas about what makes a man.
· Domestic violence is often linked to poor self-esteem. A child growing up in a violent home is likely to have very little self-worth. He may be engaged in a pattern of negative self-talk. “If I were any good, my father wouldn’t beat me. I’ll never amount to anything.” As a young man, his frustration and isolation may grow and, along with it, a hidden anger due to his feelings of helplessness. Anger is a major source of fuel that will fan the flames of domestic violence.
· Drug and/or alcohol abuse may be a precursor to domestic violence. Substance abuse leads to out-of-control behaviour. The number one commonality within the dynamics of most alcoholic families is poor emotional health. This leads to secondary anger, which is an ineffective substitute for dealing honestly with emotions.
· Domestic violence is more frequent where individuals experience loss of physical health and/or wage-earning power. It peaks during the Christmas season as husbands, fathers, and single parents face the pressures of paying bill collectors and buying Christmas gifts. The frustration of the inability to “make ends meet” increases conflicts in the home.
· Simply put, domestic violence is the absence of what the Bible refers to as living peacefully with all men (Romans 12:18b, KJV). The first act of domestic violence recorded in the Bible is that of Cain, who killed his brother Abel, out of jealousy.

TYPES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Physical and Sexual Abuse
Hair pulling, biting, shaking, pushing, pinching, choking, kicking, slapping, hitting, punching, using weapons, forced intercourse, unwanted sexual touching in public or in private and depriving her of food or sleep.
Emotional Abuse
Insulting her in public or in private.
Making her feel bad about herself.
Making her think she’s crazy.
Humiliating her.
Making her feel guilty.
Making all the big decisions.
Being the one to define men’s and women’s roles.
Economic Abuse
Preventing her from getting or keeping a job.
Making her ask for money.
Giving her an allowance.
Taking her money.
Not letting her know about or have access to family income.
Not allowing her a voice in important financial decisions.
Using Jealousy and Blame to justify actions
Minimizing, Denying, Blaming.
Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously.
Checking up on where she’s been or who she’s talked to.

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SOLUTIONS

1. Teach and educate about domestic violence. This can be most effective by educating young people to help them understand that violence is never an acceptable behaviour.

2. Speak out against domestic violence. Talking about the seriousness of domestic violence amongst friends, family and other community members also helps to keep the importance out there.

3. Encourage communities to establish centres for domestic violence. Those that are being domestically abused will go get help when they know that it is readily available.

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