Men who like gee blow can’t tek back dey knack

Sep 05, 2010 News

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Observes Michael Benjamin

Some men like to believe that they are so indispensable that they could do just about anything that pleases them in their marital union and get away with it. They behave as though they are their women’s ‘Godsends’ and their services are so unique and rare it’s almost to the point of indispensability. They are so conceited that they actually believe that their absence, whether through death or otherwise, will so disturb life’s equilibrium as to leave a chasm that would be impossible to fill.
These men are domineering, static in their views, extremely dogmatic and impatient with any lesser being that dares to challenge their perspectives. As someone succinctly said, should persons of such ilk die and by some freak of luck were to return and observe life, they would be tremendously shocked to see that their absence has not even shifted life’s arc one little bit. The job they thought that only they could have done has been taken over by someone else and that person may be even more competent, intuitive and progressive than they were. The job you thought that only you could have done has been completed and your replacement has moved on to far more innovative stuff.
By extension, some men treat their wives as though they are their personal property and these wives must just ‘love and obey’ without a murmur. Men of this ilk like to think that they are their wife’s only hope and salvation; that without them their better halves are hopeless. They take their unions for granted. Some rule with iron fists, assured that fear is the key to keep their women in check. These are the men that are unceremoniously visited by ‘Joe Grinds.’
‘Joe Grinds’ is the fictitious name given to the guy that lurks around awaiting the right opportunity to intrude into a relationship, disturbing the equilibrium. He is the consummate ‘sweet man’ that plans his move to coincide with the absence of the husband. He is consoling and understanding with just the right words to soothe any situation. Many a faithful women, fed up with their husband’s infidelity and dogmatic disposition, eventually become vulnerable and fall prey to his ploys, becoming so entranced that they end up breaking their marriage vows.
The Bajans call it ‘horn; Jamaicans call it ‘bun;’ Antiguans refer to it as ‘knuckle’ and the Guyanese call it ‘blow’. Whichever you choose, it means the same thing — infidelity of the worst order.
Of all the countries that I have traveled and of all the cultures I have examined, Guyanese men have proven to be ‘love strong.’ Simply put, they would give their wives anything their little hearts desire. All they expect in return is fidelity and that is irrespective of their extra curricular activity.
The cultures of North America and Europe are vastly different where the females are embedded into the mainstream and are just as industrious as their male counterparts. So it would not be surprising in those societies that a man and his wife may cross paths at their gate on their way to and from work for lengthy periods. Some Caribbean families attempt to retain their cultures and values and dedicate at least one day, most likely Sundays, to sit together to a meal and family discussions. Anyway that is a little removed from the discussion.
Guyanese men adore their wives and are prepared to bear up with nagging, maybe a little laziness or even some amount of indiscipline in the kitchen but don’t you dare give a Guyanese man ‘blow.’ This could mean curtains for you.
‘Blow’ is what Joe Grinds dishes out. He is skilled at it. Most times ‘Joe Grinds’ is unemployed but dresses in the latest fashions, sports the most exotic jewelry and always seem to have some harebrained schemes that promises lucrative rewards. He has become so skilled in the art of promiscuity that he has his lines down to a ‘T.’
One of the fundamental arguments in the functions and roles within the nuclear family structure is the division of labour theory that once confined women to the kitchen and bedroom, performing menial tasks. Things have undergone drastic changes and the women are now worming their way into the mainstream. Some men see this as a threat to their authority and are adamant that a return to the old status quo is the only way that social order would prevail. A small minority have welcomed these changes, since it stabilizes the home environment when both parties are ‘bringing home the bacon.’
The Muslims have established a culture that impinges on societal norms that a man is entitled to just one wife. Muslims have been known to possess several wives and my understanding is that there must be equity of treatment. Many men have spoken of the challenges of having just one wife much less several.
I spoke with several men of differing statuses in society and deduced that men see no problem in having several wives. The problem lies in the ‘equal treatment’ concept. In place of this arrangement, many men are content to simply sow their wild oats, doling out random gifts minus the legal, or even the moral obligation so to do.
If, therefore, men are so inclined, then what is so wrong with a woman that seeks to sow her royal oats? Must she be concerned of society’s reactions or expectations? Are women destined to accept statutes that obligate them to share their man with other females while remaining faithful to that one man? Are the laws of the jungle or the passiveness of women to be one and the same thing or must society move to curb the social excesses of one sex towards the other?
I am not entirely familiar with the cultures of inhabitants of the Middle East but I have spoken to people that have been to, or belonged to that environment. I have been told of a multiplicity of laws that govern from mode of dress to improper behaviour in public places, unlike the Western culture where women dress in such suggestive way as to leave nothing to the imagination. The debate is still raging pertaining to a likened response from men upon viewing the exhibition of flesh before them.
And so we come to the aspect of life that forces (and I use this word with some restraint) women to cheat on the men they love. This type of extra curricular activity has been responsible for many women losing their lives, for inasmuch as a man delights in giving ‘blow’ he is less inclined to take it. Examine the landscape and see which of the sexes are more wont to behave violently when ‘blow’ is sharing or when ‘Joe Grinds’ decides to pay a visit.
Irrespective of what a man attempts to do to prevent his woman from ‘horning’ him he would be unable to stop it if the woman is so inclined. An elderly woman once told me that a woman can simply ask for an excuse to use the washroom and ‘is blow he could get blow.’
This article is in no way intended to denigrate women nor is it meant to degrade men. It simply begs attention of the policy makers to view the social inadequacies of our laws and implement some standards in the way we dress and present ourselves in the public sphere.
I could not possibly close this discussion without reciting the story of a good friend who sought quality time with his spouse. He agreed that whenever they were making love they would take the phone off the hook so as not to be disturbed. It worked out well until one night while coming home late from one of his liaisons he decided to call his wife to let her know that he was on his way home from an important meeting —— and got an engaged tone.

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