Marriage is not perfect but neither is it a one way street

May 30, 2010 Letters

Dear Editor,
Marital home is a woman’s sanctuary from a world where so much evil and wrongs transgress life.
It’s a place where love, peace and happiness should reign and her chosen partner, in life, her protector who is supposed to sustain her needs – emotionally, physically and materially, for the married vows taken in front of god and man is sacred.
But the violence perpetuated against women, today, shows somewhere along the line the sanctuary, literally becomes a prison, love changes to enmity, peace departs to be replaced by aggression, and happiness deserts the home.
The protector becomes the tormenter and the sacred vows are broken into a million pieces.
Marriage is not perfect, but neither is it a one way street. It is the union of two people who come from different family, backgrounds, different class and culture, race and religion and from time to time there would be conflicts of interests, views and ideas.
But then life teaches us all, patience, tolerance and understanding and to learn to make compromises; but how many women in today’s society are privileged to have a husband who practices the fundamentals of marriage?
The brutality, pain and anguish suffered by women, and the senseless loss of lives show clearly that for many men, violence is the answer. It’s the only language they speak or understand.
There are many women who have succeeded in turning away from a violent and troubled marriage, but there are many, many more who are trapped and the sufferings and abuses continue, sometimes until death.
It is hard, sometimes to understand why women stay in violent relationships, but there are many compelling reasons and the number one reason is the children.
The children are a biological connection hard to sever and life for the woman without her children would have no meaning.
From generation to generation the same story continues to unfold and from whatever status she comes from in life, she would forget the beatings, forgive the insults and accept the flowers for the sake of the children.
A woman’s soft heart and her tendency to forgive transgressions against her physically and emotionally and to believe in the promises of change, sees her giving her chance after chance to her abuser.
The pressure of family, religion and culture also play an integral role in her tormented life, for she is begged or admonished to give him a chance to change and in many cases made to feel a sense of guilt that it would be wrong for a woman to walk out of her marital home.
Those are major factors that keep her bound, silent and trapped, living day after day with the hopes that he would change and become once again the man she had loved and given her hand in marriage to, that the deception, the cruelty, the uncaring attitude would go away, but, one day, the wicked glint of a knife or the bullet from a gun and the light goes out and the hopes die with her. The law and society have not come up with a clear strong solution to stem the flow of domestic violence and the undesired deaths, oppression, brutality and stalking continue, destroying the very social fabric of life, where those who survive are psychologically and physically scarred for life.
Will it ever end? For the women of this world there are so many who are sleeping with the enemy.
Maureen Singh

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