Tiger Woods has my sympathy

Feb 21, 2010 Features / Columnists, My Column

---

The past few days were mindboggling. I had to sit and hear about a man who seems to have a hearty sex appetite and who wants help to curb it. He wants this help so bad that he is going to therapy. Well he is either a lucky son of a gun or a stupid man.
I know many men who would like to be in his position because it would seem that sex drives the world and the more sex an individual gets the better the world would be driven.
Sex is the thing that sells certain products. I have seen the advertisements about men developing fantastic bodies just to attract women and men would only attract women for one reason.
If it is that they want a maid then they would simply place an advertisement in the newspapers.
The calypsonians and the Soca singers of today all promote sex. Immediately the Gryner calypso about the key being too big for the lock; and Sparrow’s May May or The Mighty Duke’s Whoop Whap Man come to mind. And I cannot forget Calypso Rose’s Fire in She Wire or even Gypsy’s For Cane.
There are advertisements about penis enlargements and about blown-up dolls and the like. There are dildos and a wide range of sex toys.
People simply live for sex and if Tiger Woods has this gift of a huge sexual appetite then I would believe that he would treasure it and enjoy it to the max.
But there is Woods apologizing for his God-given gift. In this part of the world such a man would have been cock of the rock, no pun intended.
He would have been the rooster that Dave Martins sang about. He would have been better than Kitchener’s star in Dumb Boy and the Parrot. Walla Walla Bing Bang.
There are men running for Viagra because they recognize the importance of sex. Some talk about Cialis and before that there were the men who dosed themselves on Cockshan and Capadula. These men would have given anything to be in Tiger Woods’s place.
I know that the society frowns on extra marital affairs; that the good Book teaches that man shall cling to his wife. But even then it speaks of men having more than one wife. Some have a harem of concubines.
What Tiger Woods was experiencing was what was there from Creation. He walked and he saw and desired.
He must have paid for it, but until the society found out and nailed him to the cross he was enjoying himself, and I am certain that he made many women happy.
Women may ask, “Why must a man roam when he has her at home?” Some men would tell you that what they get from the other woman they dare not ask of the wife.
I suppose that the wife herself, even if she is inclined to the acrobatics, has this mindset that she must only behave in a certain way.
Most of them are inclined to the missionary position which, I must say, can be most boring at times.
I know of some wives who boast that anything that the husband thinks he can get outside he can get at home and I must wonder whether Elin, Tiger’s wife, was of such an inclination.
Then there is the story about the bull never enjoying the same cow for long.
Women, too, get bored and I am certain that many of them do what Tiger got nailed doing. Of course, the society calls her a tramp but the very society would never seek to send her for therapy.
It has even coined the word nymphomaniac. Tiger now has me thinking whether there is the male equivalent of that word.
I remember an exchange of columns between Ian Mc Donald and Celeste Dolphin, and a subsequent radio call-in programme featuring Ms. Dolphin and some other women whose name I cannot remember.
McDonald in his column had posited that women enjoy sex more than men, that what a man calls an orgasm is nothing but an itch compared to what a woman experiences.
Celeste Dolphin took him to task. She spoke about a man who wanted sex so much that his wife was scared to go home. She said that when the woman went home at midday she had to submit and perform. Lucky woman.
If this woman complained then I am sure that she would have complained if she never got any.
I am sure that the people who set about to nail Tiger Woods were grouchy, jealous, impotent men and sex-starved women who would have given anything to share a bed with Tiger.
There are extremes of course. There are men who take their appetite to children and these must be dealt with. Tiger was no pedophile.
Perhaps he had an eye for anything attractive in a skirt. So do most men. Tiger prevailed because he had money. In this part of the world a man with money does the same thing and is called a Don. The more the women the merrier for all concerned.
Tiger is trying to give back to his maker what he was given. I know that by the time he gets to my age he would regret.
Elin may very well be turning her back and telling him that it is time they stop this sex thing.
This is a case of damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

---

---