Can jumbies kill people?

Feb 18, 2010 Features / Columnists, Freddie Kissoon

Quite often I am reminded by people from all walks of life to be careful with my personal security. This is a daily encounter. The fear comes from all strata of the society – media colleagues, businessmen, and even security personnel.
My response has become hackneyed – yes I am always careful but there is a limit. The only way to beat that limit is to stay at home everyday of the year. And even so, they can come to your home at an uncivilized hour and push a rattlesnake under the door.
I am not afraid of living people harming me but more concerned at the birthrate of jumbies in this country. The PPP Government has invented more jumbies that the PNC under Burnham.
If you saw the documentary about the rigged 1968 made by the British television company, Grenada, then you would know that jumbies are serious people. They can vote. Now if they can vote it means they have hands to hold a pen. If they can hold a pen, then they can pick up a cutlass or pull the trigger of a gun. They can also run you off the road without you seeing them.
Since the PPP took over the government, the birthrate of ghosts has multiplied viciously. Soon Guyana will have more poltergeists than living people.
Count how many jumbies were on the electoral list for the 1968 elections then check how many ghosts have been born in the maternity ward of the Chronicle newspaper the past ten years and you will see the population of specters at the moment far outstripped that when Mr. Burnham held the 1968 general elections.
When you think of the proliferation of spirits under the PPP, then, be careful about overseas voting. Since Tuesday, the maternity ward of the Guyana Chronicle has given birth to thee more jumbies. But there is something different about two of these new spirits.
All the jumbies born since Mr. Jagdeo became President, has African and Indian names. Now, two of them are carrying Portuguese identities – Sigmund Fernandes and Sadie De Freitas.
Sigmund is a German name and in the German language jumbie is spelt as “poltergeist.”
I have always been told (please forgive me, I mean nothing racial) and I know most Guyanese been told too (let them doubt me) that Dutch jumbies are more “dread people” than other nationalities. But poltergeists, I have heard, are even “dreader” “I man” frighten bad because a huge percentage of the jumbies that the PPP “midwifed” have directed their attention on me.
Go to the Chronicle’s maternity ward for last year and you will see that over 200 poltergeists directed their wrath at me.
Now Sigmund Fernandes is attacking me for calling the Government an elected dictatorship. I did not mention the third jumbie born on Tuesday. His name is Mike Myers. Should I seek protection? Do jumbies kill people?
There was a hilarious fight last year between three apparitions in the Stabroek News. I was disappointed that the war took place at the Stabroek News because it is in the Chronicle that these apparitions are appearing.
To be honest, even the Kaieteur News have parented some specters of its own. For example, Mike Myers turned up at the Kaieteur News the past two days.
Anyway, back to the war of the ghosts at Stabroek. The three spirits were Justin De Freitas, Daniel Singh and Lutchman Gossai.
Singh started the fight by claming that evolution is nonsense and as a preacher he should know.
De Freitas then demanded that Pastor Singh state if he is a living person, name the denomination to which he is connected,h and where the church was located. Gossai then joined in and insisted that Singh show himself in the flesh.
Singh fired back. Suspecting that De Freitas and Gossai were not of this world, he insisted that they reveal their identities.
This theatre of the unnatural world went on in the letter pages of the Stabroek News for almost three months. Then a fourth jumbie joined the war, this time a female spirit. She said that Daniel is her brother and is a real person, not a ghost.
The most curious thing about the jumbies in the Stabroek News and Kaieteur News is that both papers have from time to time issued large notices that contributors to the letter pages must submit evidence of their existence so it can be verified.
The Stabroek News did that and announced that Oliver Sam was not a real person.
Are the Kaieteur News and Stabroek News following the Chronicle and inventing jumbies? Wuh dem boys saying bout dat!

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