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Dialogue not debate

Dec 30, 2009 Editorial

It has become customary for many of us to make resolutions for the New Year. We review what we had done over the past year, evaluate our actions against our normative world view and then resolve to do better in those areas where we felt we may have fallen short. We believe that this is a very positive custom since it offers us the possibilities for continuous growth. And growth, we know is life, while stagnation is death. We don’t want to die – do we?
So it is for individuals and so it is for entire societies. Can we disagree, then, that as a people also it would surely profit us if we were to make some resolutions for the New Year?
What if we look back over the past year in our national life and ask, “Where could we have done better?” Well, there is no question that we will be dealing with a very long list.  But we would like to suggest one area to which our own experience has sensitised us: the need for more effective communications between all of us.
As an institution in the public sphere, newspapers play a very crucial role in mediating communications among various groups, individuals and institutions – through our reporting (and follow-ups) and in the time this paper, for all the time it has been in existence, through its letters column.
One dominant feature that characterises our communications is that of cavilling and disputation. The inevitable consequence is that all parties become defensive and seek to protect their own position without really giving an open ear to their interlocutors. We end up speaking “at” each other rather than “to” each other and then wonder why we remain such a fragmented society.
What we would like to propose that in this New Year, is that we change our modus operandi and begin to engage each other in dialogue rather that the debilitating debates that has been the standard fare up to now.
Now do not get us wrong: it is not surprising that with our varied backgrounds and schizoid politics we have such different of facts and events – that may not even be fully understood by the parties themselves.
But in these situations we should recognise that we rarely ask each other questions or genuinely listen to what the other side is saying.
So as the other person is talking or we are scanning his/her letter, we are only framing our responses. We keep a sharp look out for logical flaws, moral lapses and the process becomes essentially very emotional shouting matches.
If we were to review our letters columns over the last decade, we will observe that the same topics are rising to the top with many of the same writers involved: they never listened to the “other side”.
The missed opportunity for social learning is characteristic of the debates we have been conducting.
The more effective mode of communication in our situation where it has been repeatedly demonstrated that our people so desperately desire to jump off the carousel of bickering and mistrust is that of dialogue.
A dialogue is a conversation that is impelled by a desire to understand the other or the problem without even seeking an agreement or a solution to the problem.
That may or may not come – but for sure much bitterness will be dissipated.
In dialogues, one is respectful and avoids derogatory attributions and attacks.
One does not question the motives or characters of others but rather reflect on one’s own views to develop mutual understanding. Only then will the conversation advance with continual emergence of new meaning rather than tired repetitions.
In this New Year let us have the courage for real dialogue to expose our assumptions and thought processes that underlie all our articulations. Many of us are unaware of the extent to which our worldview – not to mention our view of our fellow citizens – is biased and influenced by our personal needs and fears.
We might not be able to do much about last year, but we can certainly change matters by moving from debates to dialogues in this New Year.

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