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The return of the Kong in Guyanese politics

Nov 28, 2009 Features / Columnists, Freddie Kissoon

I get advice all the time about how to deal with the attacks that come my way from the failed leaders inside the PPP and the Government of Guyana and other critics. These polite but facetious offerings come from all kinds of Guyanese and trust me, Guyanese have an unbelievable sense of humour.
Guyanese humour is very, very evocative. Of course, many of these emanations I cannot repeat here. I remember the day after President Jagdeo called me a fool, this middle-aged woman came up to me in Fogarty’s and asked me if Mr. Jagdeo went to UG. I told her Friendship University in the USSR. She then asked; “Is that a burial society.”
Many citizens love to tell me little jokes about the President’s frequent attacks on me. At a press conference, President Jagdeo shouted out; “Look who is saying that the Berbice Bridge is ugly, of all people, Freddie Kissoon. Well the next day, I got some huge cups of laugh from my fellow Guyanese.
At the vegetable stand in Nigel’s supermarket, this woman came up to me and urged me to cut my hair. And she was smiling so broadly that she aroused my curiosity because it was only the week before I took my scissors and removed large chunks of hirsute overflow. Then she continued’ “And when you done cut it, save the hair and give it to those who really are in need of it.” I didn’t have a clue what she meant so I asked. Then she explained and made reference to the Berbice Bridge observation. I will not repeat her little joke.
After the President called me a sleaze ball at one of his press conferences, I got some of the most amusing reactions. I would give anything to share these stories with you but moral requirements will not allow it. In any case, such things cannot find their way into print. But the funniest one came from a Bourda Green vendor that I was patronizing with a purchase of vegetables. He said; “Freddie wuh is a sleaze ball? Yuh mean they seize yuh balls? And whey dey put dem?” Yuh get dem back? When he said that, there was laughter all around. Then this Rasta guy chimed him and yelled out’ “Let dem keep it, Freddie; dey ain’t know you got more than two.”
The sleaze ball comment from President Jagdeo gave rise to the most hilarious criticism I have ever heard ordinary Guyanese direct at Mr. Jagdeo. One day, long after Mr. Jagdeo has left the presidency, I will write about these rib-ticking episodes without fear of libel.
I remember in the final scene in the movie “Training Day,” the rogue cop (played by Denzel Washington), yelled out, “King Kong ain’t got sh… on me.” Well it is the same with the Guyanese King Kongs. They ain’t got sh… on me. The Kongs say I steal books. But most people told me they would have preferred if the Kongs had stolen books instead of the nation’s money. We are still to hear if the little King Kongs would take the lie detector test about how much assets they have and how they acquired them.
Guyanese must remember King Kong in politics. It is important that you do because it brings the great Walter Rodney into play. It was Walter who got Guyanese all fired up with chants of King Kong in reference to Burnham. It stuck, and soon Guyanese were calling Burnham, King Kong.
Let’s return to books. Two weeks ago, coming out of an Esso service centre shop, this gentleman stopped me and said that he read a PPP leader made reference to Freddie’s stealing books. With a controlled gesticulation, he said   “Oh Gawd, Freddie, they say yuh steal books, ah begging Gawd fuh give them some sense fuh steal some books too. They will get some knowledge of how fuh run ah country.” Guyanese are indeed funny people. Then he paused and intoned quietly, “But Freddie yuh think it would mek a difference?  I inquired if he meant stealing books instead of money. I floored him with some humour of my own. He was speechless for a few seconds and burst out in laughter. Finally, I was advised that when President Jagdeo asked me where my research is at UG, I should have asked him, “Jagdeo where is the light?” This was a conversation with a teacher inside German’s Restaurant. I was confused. I said; “What light?’ He said, “Freddie I get blackout every day, buddy.”

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