LOW CARBON CHRISTMAS IN GUYANA

Nov 18, 2009 Features / Columnists, Peeping Tom

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It has been an amazing week in the South American country of Guyana. What ups and downs, thrills and spills have been happening in that poor country of 730,000 inhabitants, as reflected in the amazing headlines of that country’s national newspapers.
The folks in Guyana have been on a roller coaster ride every since it was announced that Norway was granting US$30M to this poor country to help it prepare for a low carbon Christmas. This announcement kicked off a series of celebrations which has kept the media riveted over the past few days.
Ironically it all started in a hive of activity with Santa abandoning his low carbon donkey cart to arrive in this hot tropical paradise where rain has fallen less than the President has been at home. Santa ditched his horse drawn carriage, preferring to arrive on top of a fuel-driven vehicle. Santa Claus sure was in a rocking mood on top of a vehicle, showing the fat man from Freedom House how to jiggy with it. Santa even took time out to savour a few ‘backballs’ from some of his enthusiastic helpers as they heralded in Christmas in front of the entire media in Guyana.
The Kaieteur News is on top of the story and is making enquiries as to the name of the energy drink that Santa had before he landed in Guyana because he sure was in a rollicking mood, strutting his stuff from on top of a vehicle to the amazement of all.
Word out is that Santa will be back in Guyana to light up the Christmas tree by Rahaman’s Turn. This will be another headline event in Guyana. Even the President of Guyana is planning to delay his early flight to Copenhagen to be in Guyana in time to switch on the lights to the low carbon tree which had to have special permission from the Norwegians to be chopped down from the Iwokrama Rainforest reserves. The GDF Special Forces had to undertake a special operation to transport this tree to the city.
Thousands are expected to witness the lighting up of the tree. Inside sources reveal that this year the tree would be powered by solar panels purchased under the fund established by the Norwegians. It will be a low carbon tree.
So it is all about Christmas in this poor third world country. And what a Christmas it is likely to be. Just after the arrival of Santa, wild celebrations broke out in the streets of Georgetown when one of the daily newspapers announced that the President had launched a project for NARI to produce one million ducklings. With the right feed (and some steroids) those ducklings will be ready for pot on Christmas Day. It will be a Duck Curry Christmas this year with one million ducks being put on the market. The sugar workers are however not pleased, they are saying 3% plus a duck cannot wuk.
With so much duck around, who needs chicken? But not to worry, as if to assure those Guyanese who do not have a taste for duck, the Ministry of Tourism held a major press conference to announce that while the price of chicken on the local market is a function of demand and supply, there are adequate quantities of chicken available for the Christmas season but that there is likely to be a price increase.
This was followed by another press conference to assure the cake-loving population of Guyana that there will be sufficient eggs in stock for all, and if by chance there should be a shortage then the duck eggs will be used as a substitute as part of Guyana’s low carbon Christmas.
The media is likely to rush down to another press conference called specially to address the shortage of sorrel on the markets. Climate change is believed to be behind the shortage. Readers should read the daily newspapers to find out about this and more of the exciting developments to come in the days ahead.
The excitement will run right into December. In another few weeks there is likely to be wild celebrations as the government is expected to overrule the demand of the Guyana Public Service Union for an interim 12% increase in salaries for public servants. The government is going to announce an increase just in time to allow all public servants to be able to purchase duck for the Christmas holidays.
It will be grand celebrations in Guyana, low carbon style. City Hall and the abattoir have adopted a low carbon development strategy. They will be operating in darkness for the remainder of the year.
But by far the event that is causing the greatest excitement to newsroom editors is the grand launching of a map of the country, Forty three years after gaining its Independence, Guyana has achieved the distinction of having a map of the city. Now the media does not have to be worry about not finding the place of the next press conference. They have a map, a low carbon map to help them navigate through the maze of tiny event stories which make big news in this small society.

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