THIS BULL BUSINESS

Nov 02, 2009 Features / Columnists, Tony Deyal column

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“They getting on awful, so ah bring back the bull.” — Lord Kitchener

 

 

If you’re looking for an appropriate Revival Assembly for the male member of the species Bovinae, the Trinidad and Tobago Parliament fits the Bill, the Motion and the Resolution.

A few weeks ago in the Lower House, the behaviour displayed by the Prime Minister, Patrick Manning, was appropriate to the nomenclature of the chamber. When asked tongue-in-cheek by his bête noir in his PNM Party, Dr. Keith Rowley, what he drank (so that Rowley could eschew the beverage or concoction) Mr. Manning held his Bible aloft and proclaimed verily that he drank from said tome.

Filled with righteous outrage and outright indignation, he changed Dr. Rowley’s species. Rowley, whose fervent support of his party in Parliament had earned him the nickname “The Rottweiler” now become a “Raging Bull.”

What is this “bull” business about and why has it reared its horny head hogging the limelight in these days of swine flu? It is true that times have changed. When the British came up with the phrase “a bull in a China shop” it had nothing to do with male homosexual activity in premises owned by persons of oriental descent.

Neither is the name of the capital city of Afghanistan a stricture against overt male homosexuality – a sort of Taliban. If this is the case, persons with such tendencies or posterior motives can easily go across the border to Bangalore in India.

A bull in a China shop really refers to a clumsy person who would blunder around in enclosed spaces and turn bric-a-brac into break-a-brac. In today’s world, a bull in a China shop would probably end up being served in black beans and oyster sauce.

In Trinidad, some people have noted with serious concern the emergence of a new disease worse than swine flu or bull-emia. It is worse even than the foot-and-mouth or foot-in-the-mouth that seems to be prevalent among our regional leaders, not just Mr. Manning but others like President Bharrat Jagdeo of Guyana.

The Guyanese President claimed that Dr. Rollin Bertrand, CEO of TCL, the regional cement company, had a conflict of interest in a legal matter between the Guyana Government and the Caribbean Court of Justice (CCJ) because Dr. Bertrand was Chairman of the CCJ’s Trust Fund.

Dr. Bertrand’s reputation for probity and public service is impeccable – he is also a really nice guy. Worse, to believe that the CCJ’s decision would be swayed by the fact that Dr. Bertrand is Chairman of its Trust Fund is a betrayal of the Trust that Guyana and other countries have invested in that institution.

Similarly, the attempt by the CARICOM Secretariat to licence journalists (now denied by Dr. Edwin Carrington, the Secretary General, in a telephone conversation with the President of the Association of Caribbean Workers) is another example. Maybe Dr. Carrington should stick to bulletins.

So what is this mysterious illness that inflicts officialdom and bureaucrats in Trinidad and Tobago, including the Commissioner of Police and all the other commissioners of petty practices? It is called “Manningitis” and its major symptom, apart from a swollen head, is self-censorship. People with “Manningitis” when facing a decision like whether to permit a peaceful march to commemorate a major historic occasion or to promote a worker, ask themselves what Mr. Manning would think or do in such circumstances. Even while retaining the delusion of omnipotence, they are so entirely cowed by Mr. Manning that if they believe he would be upset or angry with them, they immediately do what they think he would want them to do and write what they think he would want them to write.

You’ve heard about Papal Bulls but paper bulls are a completely different and terri-bull phenomenon.

Where did this bull business start? It started when the Almighty, intent on human-kind having food security gave Cane and a Bull to Adam and Eve. In some parts of the Caribbean that “bull” could be a weapon made from the sexual organ of the animal of the same name and perhaps Adam and Eve deserved it for consorting with a snake in the grass.

There is a favourite joke of mine that has no moral except that it nicely summarises this whole bull business. A farmer and his wife in Trinidad had a bull and a cow. The cow was a sweet animal and produced milk profusely, so much in fact that the couple earned a lot of money and eventually figured out if they had a second cow they could do much better.

So they went to a far-off village and bought a cow that looked suitable. However, there were problems that eventually led them to the village holy man, a Pundit, for advice. The farmer explained the situation. “Pundit,” he said, “when the bull come up to the new cow from behind her she jump forward. He come from the side of her, she move away. He come in front, she back, back. The bull frustrated and the other cow suffering too.”

The Pundit nodded his head sagely and asked, “Where you get this cow? From Penal?” The farmer and his wife were astounded. “But Pundit,” they said, “you really smart and are truly a wise man. How you know the cow was from Penal.” The Pundit nodded sadly and said, “Because my wife from Penal.”

*Tony Deyal was last seen saying that there is talk of a biblical dimension to the relationship between Mr. Manning and the Chairman of a particular State Enterprise- from Genesis it will end in Revelations.

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