What is domestic violence?

Jun 23, 2009 Letters

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Dear Editor,
I have been watching the news on television and reading about domestic violence in our country which I found very interesting.
I heard our President calling on the religious leaders and organisations to help fight this atrocious act that is presently destroying the moral fabric in our society.
Domestic violence is not a new phenomenon in our country, it’s something that has invaded society since the beginning of time.
The very first act of domestic violence is recorded in the Bible in Genesis chapter 4:4-8; where Cain killed his brother Abel because of jealousy and hatred.
It may seem that it was not an act of domestic violence, but it’s an act of hatred between two brothers that caused Cain to kill Abel that’s an act of domestic violence.
And the long list of domestic violence can fill pages and pages of history that will baffle the intellect and stultify the mind.

What is domestic violence? Domestic violence is not limited to physical abuse.
It is a pattern of physically, sexually and/or emotionally abusive behaviours used by one individual to maintain power over or to control a partner in the context of an intimate or family relationship. Some of the signs of domestic violence are as follows:
Verbally insult, demean or threaten you.
Isolate you from friends, family or other people.
Organise schedules to follow or harass you.
Limit your mobility or access to money.
Explode into a rage and assault you physically or sexually.
Negate your words, ideas, and actions.
Excuse each attack and promise to stop.

In this list we have seen some of these qualities I have mentioned in actually every home in our country. We have seen husbands threatening wives and children and wives are doing the same as well.
Most times we believe that men are the ones that are always involved in domestic violence but we are wrong women/housewives can be heard actually everyday in our various communities cussing their children and their husbands, while men do the same as well.
I have seen a real moral break down in family values in our society.
One of the major causes of domestic violence is illiteracy. Over 40% of our population are illiterates or dysfunctional illiterates.
As a Pastor and religious leader I have visited several homes in our country praying, counselling, and helping poor and unfortunate people. I discovered a lot of our young people cannot read nor write even lots of parents are illiterates. Even in the churches a great deal of our people cannot read nor write.
It makes it very difficult for religious leaders to counsel illiterate families because on most cases these people think or believe that they are grown men and women and doesn’t need anybody’s opinion or counsel to run their lives.

For domestic violence to stop people will have to make a decision to change their attitudes by prayer and counselling only if they need counselling and prayer.
The highly educated and wealthy are also in domestic violence; in many cases the wealthy men in families will have extra marital affairs because they believe they have money thus they can have lots of women.
As a result they are engaged in fist fights with their wives and children and verbal abuse. These highly educated and wealthy folks in our society are the most difficult types of people to counsel.
These are the types that will not attend church, only when someone dies or is getting married in their families. In my opinion, attending church doesn’t interest a lot of people anymore, because a lot of our people in our country today are unteachable, they feel ‘they know it all’.
Another major cause of domestic violence in our country today is rum drinking (alcohol abuse) the use of drugs such as marijuana, cocaine etc.
Many are deceived to believe that men alone are drinkers and drug users, but in many homes I have visited I note with interest that both husbands and wives are rum drinkers and drug users; thus setting up a very bad example for their children.

I have seen rum shops, pool bars, night spots, in almost every community; it’s not surprising we have so much domestic violence in our society.
The police and the Ministry of Home Affairs will have to play a more active role to stamp out these bars that are growing rapidly in our society.
For domestic violence to stop people will have to recognise that there is a God, and God is not pleased when we forsake him and don’t walk in his ways in accordance with Holy Scriptures.
What people need is the love of God in their hearts, when the love of God is in our hearts we will love our wives, children, every one in our society and we will love our selves. People become violent because of a lack of love. For example, a young man who never attend church nor receive any love from his parents will eventually become very bitter towards his wife and his children when he gets married.
What manner of man will want to kill his wife and children? What manner of woman will want to poison her children? It’s a person who is psychologically demented, who lacks love from other human beings especially his/her parents.

Today I have seen people become very selfish; all they are concerned about is themselves; the rich has nothing to do with the poor, men eat men to survive, it’s a dog eat dog society we are living in.
If every man would help his neighbour no man would be without help. What we need is to see God in every human being, know that God loves and cares for us.
When we can have the love of God in our heart’s then we will live in a society free from domestic violence.
I join with President Jagdeo to encourage this Nation to find your self in a church and be willing to change and live a morally upright life.
Rev. Gideon Cecil

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