PRIDE AND ANGER

Apr 24, 2009 Features / Columnists, Peeping Tom

A person is supposed to have pride in themselves, their achievements, their family, their friends and most of all in their country. In this regard, pride is a good thing.
Sometimes, however, pride can be a bad thing. Being too proud can at times be the downfall of many. Not being willing to say sorry; not being willing to deal with an insult from someone we consider to be a lesser being; not being willing to say sorry, not being willing to ignore the ignorant, not being willing to compromise and treat others like human beings are all symptoms of a pride which can lead to our own downfall.

Each time I drive on our roadways, I see how pride makes us lose our temper. I see situations where a vehicle may cause another to veer from its path and instead of the affected driver simply excusing the actions of the other, he instead lets off a mouthful of profanity.
I have seen motorists curse out each other and for no apparent reason other than somebody did somebody wrong. It is because of pride this happens, with neither side willing to let bygones be bygones, interested in winning a battle rather than solving a problem.

I have seen situations where the powerful go after the weak simply because their pride was hurt by something said, done or omitted by the weaker person. I have seen powerful people behave as if they are lords and demand a level of respect, which if not forthcoming results in a vicious campaign of harassment and victimization against the weak. The downfall of many a great person has been his or her pride.
It is pride that sometimes drives people to violence. Each day you pick up the newspaper and you read stories of violence. Each day somebody dies because someone else could not control his or her anger. And the reason that triggered that anger is because someone did something to offend another’s pride.
Yesterday, I picked up the newspaper and read about another unnatural death in our country. The cause was a quarrel between two persons.

This quarrel leads to someone feeling that another should not be doing or saying something, leading to anger and eventually to violence and murder.
If we can only learn in this country to suppress our pride there would be less violence in our country, and particularly in our homes and in our relationship with others. I have always emphasized that sometimes it is best when you are wrong to not react; when you are insulted to not respond because your response invariably will be based on your feelings of hurt and it is best to act out of compassion and love rather than anger and hatred.

The many incidents of domestic violence in Guyana are not going to abate unless we deal with the root causes of the violence. One suggestion which has been made is for countrywide anger management classes. But which target audience will these seminars meet?
Will they reach down to those households which need it the most and how will those households be identified? And would training persons how to deal with anger end the cycle of violence?
What needs to be understood is not only how to deal with anger but more importantly why one becomes angry. I am sure that if a detailed assessment was done on cases of anger it will be found that the source of anger has to do with pride.

Controlling our pride, learning to understand how to deal with situations which offend our pride is therefore critical to understanding why there is so much violence within our society.
It is terrible to see how lives are being destroyed in this country because persons are seeking to get even rather than find a solution to a problem. Even if that solution entails someone having to give up ground, it is far better than having to assert one’s pride through destructive and violent actions.
A good place to begin to control our pride is on our roadways. There is too much verbal abuse taking place on our roadways.

If someone drives in a manner that is reckless, it would be much more helpful rather than cursing them out, if they can be advised in a friendly tone that what they are doing may be injurious to others.
Similarly, in the home, if someone does something wrong, it is better to allow the passion of the moment to subside before responding.
It is also important before responding to question our feelings and to ask why it is that we are feeling the way we are feeling.
If the answer to that is because our pride was offended, then it is the offended person rather than the offender who has the greater problem.

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