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West Indies coach is a Maths man

Mar 27, 2009 Dem Boys Seh, Features / Columnists

Last week was a week nuff people gun remember fuh years to come. Cricket come to Guyana and people decide that dem wouldn’t miss West Indies playing, especially since dem start fuh win.
Tickets sell out and people start fuh mek preparation. De big day come and dem boys pack dem basket wid more food than liquor. Dem decide that dem gun support de boys. Dem wasn’t alone. It look like de whole of Guyana was supporting de team. None of dem know that confusion was on the cards.
De match start; England bat fuss and mek some good runs. West Indies start fuh bat after rain stall up play fuh more than one hour. De match play and West Indies was heading fuh a win. De crowd mek nuff noise; Sarwan and Chanderpaul bat like dem mek de game.
Bat swing and ball fly. Chanderpaul lash de England fast bowler, Harmison, fuh 26 in one over. Then de place start fuh get dark and was time fuh Duckworth/Lewis, two men who never play cricket.
West Indies got a coach who got a distinction in English but he surely ain’t know Maths. He close off de innings and fuh de second time people lef a cricket ground and dem ain’t know who win. De coach think he win and de English people know dem win. People nearly kill he suh he stay away when West Indies play de Sunday. If you see disappointment.
But dem boys seh that de disappointment is nothing compared to wha some policemen facing. Henry Greene promise dem that dem gun go to Trinidad to help guard Obama. Since January he keep dem in barracks training. Dem boys pack dem bag.
Some of dem never even travel in a ballahoo to Wakenaam suh dem was looking forward fuh going in a plane. Dem dream bout de plane and one man seh how he gun push he hand outside de window and pick some cloud. Two of dem plan to abscond in Trinidad and some of dem even plan to stow away wid Obama.
Dem same policemen disappointed because a squad gone and dem still here. And to mek matters worse, Henry got dem keeping roadblock. He also telling dem how dem still going because he ain’t want a riot like wha happen when de same police lock up some policemen fuh tekking bribe.
Some Ministry of Health workers also tekking bribe. Leslie tell dem that mosquito plenty in town and dem got to get rid of de mosquito. One man start fuh tell people that he gun walk wid a net and ketch mosquito but de people gun have to pay he.
He actually collect and when Leslie hear he call in de whole squad and he plan a programme of fogging. He announce that he gun spend $50 million. Well dem boys want to know how it cost so much fuh buy li’l gas oil and some formalin and nuff smoke.
Dem can understand paying a man fuh drive around a truck wid de mixture that does mek smoke, but $50 million? That is wha dem boys want fuh know. One of dem boys claim how Leslie finding ways to spend de VAT money; another claim how de people who mekking de smoke got to get good compensation because de wuk dangerous.
De other day Leslie claim how he fog de whole of Georgetown. Dem boys seh that he ain’t pronounce de word right. He do something but it wasn’t fogging. Nuff people ain’t even know bout de fogging; dem ain’t see smoke or smell formalin. But dem hear de $50 million done.
Dem intend to petition Bharrat. Dem boys even form a group fuh mobilize people to protest fuh dem smoke. “We want smoke”. “We want smoke”.
Leslie even smart heself. He put up sign that de Health Ministry compound is a no smoking zone; de hospital is also a no smoking zone and dem school is also no smoking. How you gun fog dem place? Just like how some farmers does breed tilapia, is suh de Health Ministry gun breed mosquito.
Talk half. Lef half.

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