This year, I resolve to become stinking rich

Jan 04, 2009 News

By Michael Benjamin
Some people consider New Year’s resolutions a total waste of time! However, there are those, like me, who, on the stroke of midnight of December 31, resolutely mutter a few words that amount to a resolution. It is irrelevant that these utterances are often conveniently ignored or are altogether forgotten by January month end.

The important thing is that those resolving to do one thing or the other have satisfied conventional habits.
In my young days, I heard much folklore about Santa Claus, tooth fairies, pixies, elves and other mythical figures. Those stories served their purpose when I was a little boy, but now that I am fully grown, I take these tales with a pinch of salt.

I am not eccentric, nor am I superstitious; so I refuse to fall into the trap of making resolutions and hoping that some mythical being will hear and deliver my wish. I am more of a practical individual who prefers to stick to achievable goals. And so, on New Year’s Night, I found myself looking up in the sky and muttering a few words that amounted to a resolution.

I hope that, by the time this article hits the newsstands, I would have made some headway in realizing my resolution. Okay, okay, don’t rush me! I’ll let you in on the secret. This year, I resolve to become stinking rich.

Now that I have spilt the beans, I know that I will be held to my word; and at the end of the year, my detractors will assess my position to determine if I had made any headway.

There are also those people who will think that I am already rich and just waiting for year end to give the impression that I had worked and achieved my goal. They will then say that I am a fraud.
So, my first duty is to declare my assets. This is the only way that my readers can know for sure that they are not being conned.

As of this moment, my bank book is cleaned out. My wife took care of that. In the run up to Christmas, she happened to look out of the window and noticed our neighbour lifting in a new fridge. Now, if you know women, you would immediately understand how my house also got a new fridge.

So, that was how I withdrew my lifetime savings from the bank, and today, one week after Christmas Day, I am penniless. But I am an optimistic fellow, and you can hold me to my resolution. At the end of this year, I will be stinking rich.

Let me categorically state that I have no intention whatsoever of dabbling in the ‘white lady.’ I will also stay very far from the ‘weed’ and ‘herbs.’ I man ent deh pon dah!

Now, there is no way that a man can achieve something without planning. If you are building a house, you will be required to draw up and submit the plan to City Hall for approval.

If your wife is baking a Christmas cake, she will firstly decide on the poundage and the ingredients. Everything starts with a plan.

Years ago, while in primary school, I read an interesting story about a rich farmer and his three sons. Now, these sons were lazy and depended on their dad to supply their every need. As life would have it, the old man soon became penniless. To compound matters, no amount of cajoling could persuade his frail body to endure the rigors of farming.

As he lay on his dying bed, he called his sons to him.
“I have always wanted the best for you guys,” he told them. “However, these last few years have been tumultuous, and as you realise, funds were low. I am now going to the Great Beyond, and so I want to let you know that I am not leaving you as penniless as you believe.

“As you know, I am the proud owner of 300 acres of land in the Mahaica area. I have buried 100 million dollars on that plot of land. I will not tell you the exact location. If you must find it, you are required to dig for it.” Soon afterwards, the old man died.

The sons were very excited at the prospect of becoming instant millionaires. All along, they had thought that their father was penniless, and had spent torturous months wondering how they would have tided by upon his death. Suddenly, out of the blues, came the revelation that he had hidden a stack of greenbacks on his farm.

The only problem was that none of them knew the exact location of the riches. Nevertheless, they set about concocting a plan to find their father’s hidden treasure.

It was not long before they found the location of the farm. They all stood at one end and stared at the huge expanse of land before them, wondering where to start digging. After hours of pondering the eldest of the three declared, “There is no way we will find dad’s hidden treasure unless we start digging.”

The lads pooled the little money they had and bought forks and spades and got to work. They toiled day after day, digging deep into the soil, but could not find the hidden treasure.

One year later, they were still digging when one of the sons looked around him. “Wow!” he exclaimed, “Just look at the amount of digging we have done and still we have found nothing. The others looked around and were amazed at the large expanse of cultivated land that they had left behind them.

Suddenly, the eldest had an idea. “Why don’t we buy some seeds and till the soil as we dig. We will then hit two birds with one stone. When we eventually find dad’s treasure we will have that, plus a huge cultivated farm.”

Excitedly the trio set about their mission with renewed gusto. They bought vegetable seeds, cassava stalks and a host of other planting materials.

Seven years later, they were still searching for their father’s hidden treasure. They did not find it, but in the meantime, the fruits trees and vegetables had matured. The lads reaped the rewards of their labour and trudged to the market with their produce. They then used the proceeds to purchase more tools and seeds.

Soon they were able to invest in a combine, a tractor, as well as other modern day tools. Before long, they had employed a large staff and became the biggest entrepreneurs in the country.

Years later, the young men stood at the periphery of their farm. “You know,” said one, “Dad must have been terribly mistaken. He had probably hid his riches somewhere else and mistakenly believed that it was around here. Someday, we will discover exactly where those dollars are hidden, and then we will be stinking rich.”
Dead men cannot speak, but I am sure that their wise father had a smile plastered on his face.

There is no need to discuss the moral of this story, but I am reminded of the words of my dear mother:
“Son, the only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.” I believe her, but I am still intent on becoming stinking rich, come hell or high water. It may sound like a miracle, but I am already halfway there. I am STINKING! By year-end I will be rich. Happy New Year, Guyana! May you all resolve to be stinking rich.