Strand throw in de towel

Nov 21, 2008 Dem Boys Seh, Features / Columnists

People prappa laugh de other day when dem wake up fuh see de big man in de police force criticizing a policeman. “Wha happen deh?” That is wha Henry ask de policeman who suppose to be fit if he got to run behind some thief. That policeman couldn’t even run fuh save he life, and two more morning he belly gon touch de ground.
Dem boys seh that this happen because some of dem police who station in de country does visit dem Chinee shop and does collect free food. Is all de pork oil and chicken fat that mek de man belly get how it get.
But Henry ain’t deh down here, too. He also carrying some good size, especially round he middle. Dem boys seh that he wearing de largest police uniform in de history of de force, and every two months he got to expand de pants waist because he stop going to de gym.
Henry used to be a fit young man who coulda play a good game of tennis. He used to sweat and beat nuff people, but de wuk get heavy and he decide to put on weight to match de wuk.
He was to go on a diet de other day, but he choose de wrang time. He visiting dem police station to inspect de ranks. Dem boys seh that stricter de government, wiser de population. Dem station know that dem ain’t prepare, suh dem does set out to bribe Henry. Dem does cook fancy food.
Alberttown got some ranks, and when dem put on a drill display fuh Henry, if you see lef foot going wheh right foot had to go. When is time fuh turn, dem ranks turn lef while others turn right. Was like a comedy show, and people who deh pun de road start fuh laugh.
Somebody ask dem ranks if dem pass through training school, and nobody ain’t answer. De station sergeant know that is blows fuh he tail, suh he prepare food. Henry was vex, but by de time he go inside de station and smell de food he passion disappear.
Karan Singh get vex, too. He hire some contractor fuh repair de pipe system because people get vex and start fuh protest how dem ain’t getting water. Well, dem boys seh that one contractor was smart. He put de pipe line and, since he decide fuh cut cost, he get cement sling and strap up de pipe lines.
One of dem boys see de thing and tek out de picture and put it in de paper. Karan immediately call all dem contractor fuh a seminar. De seminar still going on and all dem contractor who had cement sling fuh strap up pipelines seh that dem gon use bicycle tube from now.
And dem boys seh that de church really tekking over de city. Dem Brazilians got a church wheh you can get baptize, but fuh go inside you got to talk Portuguese. Dem have the church wheh nobody can throw less than a towel. Some old women hear that you can’t throw nutten less than a towel, so walk wid she own and when de plate pass round she throw in she towel.
Dem boys seh that de pastor lucky de old woman didn’t throw nutten else. But de man who own Strand Cinema throw in de towel. He had a big thing when he introduce surround sound. Then he talk bout air conditioning. He didn’t talk bout de bug.
Anyhow, people stop going to de cinema. Was a time when touts use to buy nuff tickets and sell. Crowds use to go to de cinema. Dem boys seh that now-a-days if dem tout depend pun that fuh a living dem would starve to death.
De cinema owner nearly starve to death too, and that is how he throw in de towel. He give de cinema to a church. Right away de church people tek down de cinema sign and start fuh paint on de church name. Dem even change de colour.
De only thing dem ain’t do is buy de building. Dem tell de boys that dem gon pay rent fuh now, because dem ain’t know if plenty people gon come wid good collection money, and is de collection money that gon pay de rent.
One thing, though, some of dem same gyal who use to go to de cinema to kiss dem boyfriend in de dark gon go to de church.
Talk half. Lef half.

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Strand throw in de towel

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