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Farewell David, bye bye Dataran

Nov 07, 2008 Dem Boys Seh, Features / Columnists

De past week was sad, so sad. Nuff people dead. Byron Lee, David DeCaires, Elton Jefford, de people pun de plane that missing, de girl who get shoot in Agricola, and de people who get knock down pun de road, plus de fat bandit who get kill after he thief de GuySuCo payroll. One of de shot went through he you know where? Dem cricketer does use it to bowl.
Talking bout bowl, David DeCaires get bowl out. Everybody know David and when people hear he dead dem expect to get a chance to go to he funeral. People like watch dead people face and dem like to let people see how dem does react.
David family decide that dem didn’t want no spectacle suh dem bun he in Barbados and bring back he ashes. All who want to cry and let people believe that dem know David personally gun have to cry over he ashes.
But de family also do something strange. Dem boys seh that Guyanese accustomed to go to a wake de night before de funeral. De people at de Big Market paper cremate de man then dem hold de wake. People still get dem chance to cry and of course, eat at David expense. Dem boys seh God rest he soul.
Of course, talking bout death, de Waterfalls paper kill Byron Lee two time. Bright and early Sunday dem carry a story that Byron Lee dead. Wasn’t true. Monday dem had to carry another story that Byron Lee alive.
Well is then dem boys get confused. If a man dead one day he got to be dead de next day. Byron Lee resurrect from de dead? Tuesday news come that Byron Lee dead. Reporters frighten to write de story. One man ask if is fuh true and another claim how dem got to see de body before dem write anything.
One lady holler how Byron Lee got to come and tell she that he dead before she believe. He nearly come. He gone to de Great Beyond just like so many things.
Anyhow, Obama win de elections and suddenly people start fuh name everything Obama. Imagine Antigua got a volcano name Sticky Bottom. That is a hell of a bottom but dem now name it Obama.
A man cook some mix up food and he call it Obama; a woman walk into a shop and call fuh one Obama. When de shop man ask she what she really want, she claim is underwear that small enough to mek men seh ‘O’ and impossible to cover de bam bam.
Bharrat was planning to name something in Guyana after Obama. When he call Cabinet dem propose de Demerara Harbour Bridge but Bharrat tell dem that dem really ain’t got a bridge there and if it collapse then people gun holler how Obama collapse.
What about a road? Which one? That is wha dem boys want to know. Dem asking fuh time to identify something. Some hoping that de Berbice Bridge finish in time.
Another thing that got dem boys thinking is why de Big Market paper insult dem.
Obama win de election and he start a craze among women. He is a good looking man and women does get wild when dem watch he smiling pun TV. Dem announce that dem done wid Bush. And dem boys seh that there is a shaving set shortage because all of dem buy shaving set.
De other day Yesu and Bharrat was hugging. Dem boys see de two big man and start fuh wonder. Dem didn’t realize that de two wasn’t talking up to den and is mek dem was mekking up.
Bharrat did cuss Yesu and Yesu stop talking to he. Now that dem is friend dem promise to exchange gifts. De two  plan to drink tea and coffee every now and again.
That is wha dem boys seh.
And de Commissioner keeping he ranks pun dem toes. Somebody ketch he sleeping at a big meeting and dem show de thing pun TV. De man tell de ranks that everybody can’t sleep that some of dem got to wake up otherwise de force gun get a bad name. Do as I say and not as I do.
And Dataram know that too. He tell his lawyer do as I say. De court want fuh change he name to Dataran when he God-given name is Dataram. Bye Bye Dataran. Dem boys seh that Rohee seh suh.
Talk half. Lef half.

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