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“George, it’s time to leave”

Nov 05, 2008 Features / Columnists

The Parrot, at the time of penning this squawk, was obviously unaware of the outcome of the U.S. Presidential election. If the polls results become a reality, then by now Barack Obama is President-elect. If otherwise, then it’s a Mc Cain victory or the beginning of a repeat of the 2000 legal challenge.

Whatever the result, two things are certain; the loser’s conceding speech and the winner’s acceptance address. Not wanting to have a public bias, I have drafts of conceding and acceptance speeches of the involved parties.

 

Obama’s conceding speech

: – “Fellow Americans, it is with deep regret that I have to announce that Sarah Palin will become the next Vice President of these United States. We thought we had won since John won the Republican nomination and Hillary lost out as my party’s choice.

I told you not to become complacent and believe the polls. We saw how wrong they were in the primaries. I have to blame you all; you learnt nothing during the last eight years.

I called John moments ago to wish him well and George answered the phone. I told you that John was George, but you didn’t believe. Now you are stuck with them; Palin too. Just go home and have fun watching “Saturday Night Live” before I cry like Hillary. Ah, shut up Bill.”

 

Mc Cain’s conceding speech: –

“Fellow losers, I am bitter. At seventy-two, this was my only chance of sitting in George’s chair; Barack has pulled it from me. I must blame George. In eight years he did nothing that I could have used as a support for my campaign.

Al Gore had so many things he could have used from Bill. I also blame Sarah for stealing the limelight, thus preventing me from really dealing with issues. I blame her for not being able to articulate my position on the various issues.

She didn’t achieve anything. But, what could I have expected? She is a Governor, and a Governor ruled for the last eight years; George that is.

Finally I blame Wall Street for “erecting” a “stone wall” around Obama which I was unable to penetrate. All of Sarah’s drilling in Alaska couldn’t even help to scratch its surface.

Ah, shut up Sarah, what do you know?

 

Obama’s acceptance speech: –

“Hey we did it. Dig? It’s party time yu’all; Jay Z, Snoop, 50 Cents, Janet, Mariah, Queen Latifah, MSNBC and others in da house. We have to bring about change, not loose ones, real change.

We will engineer change even before we take over George’s home. So Michelle will be leading the committee to ensure that the curtains, the sheets, the mattresses, the china, the furniture and the carpets are all changed.

Yes George, change is on its way. Clear out. Stop crying Hillary; Bill had his chance already”

 

Mc Cain’s acceptance speech: –

“I praise my mentor, a man who was instrumental in my victory; George. I knew with Hillary out, the way was cleared. Give it up for George, the 43rd President of the United States of Bushes…sorry, America”. [Sarah enters] “Waz up yu’all” [They tussle for the microphone] “This is my moment Sarah, don’t spoil it”.

“I wouldn’t John; trust me. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to “Saturday Night Live…”. “Get her out of here. NOW”.

Fast forward to the morning of January 20, 2009, at the White House, where Laura is about to wake George: – “Get up, get up, we have to leave. Why? We don’t live here anymore”. George replies, “Really. You mean I lost?”

Squawk! Squawk!

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