“Chuting” down from Delta

Jul 11, 2008 Features / Columnists

The Parrot is still tickled by the Delta Airlines story where a passenger, herein after referred to as the “Chuter”, opened the emergency chute. I think the story, despite the consequences, is hilarious. What was he thinking?

I know that, normally, passengers whether first or second class, who are seated next to the emergency doors, are duly briefed by Flight Attendants as to what actions they may need to perform, if necessary, in case of an emergency. I have no reason to doubt that the “Chuter” was so briefed.

After having been briefed and having had access to Brandy, Ales, Nicotine, Koors and Stouts (BANKS), he no doubt Drank, got Drunk and Liedown (DDL) after his internal organs and blood stream became inundated with the intoxicants for some five hours.

After the plane landed and came to a halt, this lack of forward propulsion startled him, causing him to think…am…sorry he couldn’t have believed, in his state, that it was a case of an emergency.

So without thinking, which is what he actually did, he grabbed his briefcase and an unfinished bottle, yanked the emergency lock, releasing the chute, and slid to land.

Well, this is just my fictional description of what may have transpired since I cannot fathom any logical reason why the “Chuter” chuted the chute. But then again, I wonder if it was raining and having been jolted by the landing and saw the water moving on the window, he thought the aircraft was about to be submerged in the Atlantic, so he pulled the chute?

This can be a possible reason since, after all, he was in a “liquid” state of mind. Or was it a case, where after consuming a large volume of liquid he had to get to the washroom as fast as possible?

Or was it because he was first class, he felt he had to be the first to disembark? Or was it a case where he wanted to boast of his status as first class, but the “c” and the “l” got lost? I must admit, I am really at a loss.

From all reports this man was basically a nuisance on the flight. Drinking, singing (not necessarily melodiously) and throwing bottles.

The flight attendants apparently had serious difficulties in dealing with him. I wonder what options the Captain has in dealing with such situations.

I also wonder how was he able to take on board the “drinks” (not referring to water here) when stringent security measures at US airports seem not to allow bottles containing liquid.

The images of bottles being confiscated at airports are still fresh. Have these measures been relaxed? Again I am at a loss.

The incident not only caused outgoing passengers to be severely inconvenienced, but was costly to the airline. The Parrot would like to add that it was also an embarrassment to Guyana and sometime after the plane landed, the “blame game” took off.

The flight attendants were blamed for not controlling the passenger. The person who “threw” this blame was blamed for blaming the attendants by a “Captain” who suggested that the difference in cultures should be blamed.

The Parrot is tempted to blame the tourism czar for the incident. He is very convincing in his efforts to promote Guyana, making the country irresistible as a tourist destination, so much so that people overseas are rushing to board aircraft bound for Timehri.

The passenger in his zealousness couldn’t wait to touch down. The chute was definitely faster than the stairs.
Squawk! Squawk!

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“Chuting” down from Delta

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“Chuting” down from Delta

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