BREAKING SAD NEWS

Jun 28, 2008 Features / Columnists, Peeping Tom

One of the most difficult tasks that you can ever face is breaking sad news to others. There is no prescribed approach, for example, as to how you should inform someone that a loved one had died.

Most persons would however advise that this be done with finesse but just what constitutes finesse in such circumstances is difficult to decide.

Should you, for example, simply come straight out and report that so and so had died? Or should you follow conventional winsome and break the news gently?

I once got a call from a cousin in the middle of the night. I knew even before he began to “break the news gently” what to expect. Any call in the middle of the night from overseas has to be bad news and invariably it has to be that someone close to me had died.

My cousin began with the usual greetings, as if I cared to be awakened out of sleep to be asked how I was doing. After what seemed like an eternity answering questions about the well-being of my household, the caller got down to breaking the news gently.

He asked me whether I was standing or sitting and suggested that I sit. I did not need confirmation. I knew then that my great aunt had passed away and this was what the call was about. When I assured my cousin that I was seated, he said that he had bad news for me.

I knew that already. He told me that something bad had happened. He said that I should prepare myself for a shock and that what he was about to tell me would not be easy.

I was almost tempted to interrupt to inform him that getting me out of my sleep to answer the phone was not easy. After a few more preliminary steps, he let out the bad news that my great aunt was no more. It took an eternity.

I would have preferred that he had simply shocked the living daylights out of me, coming outright immediately and saying, “Peeper, your aunt is dead.” But the poor fellow must have been worried about such sudden news on my cardiac system.

I once heard a story about a sergeant major who received a telegram that the mother of one of his ranks had died. He summoned the rank and bluntly told him, “Your mother has died!”

An officer who was passing at the time and heard what has transpired summoned the sergeant major and advised him to be more tactful in breaking death announcements to his ranks. The sergeant major promised to do so in the future.

Lo and behold, the very next day, the sergeant major received a report that the mother of one of his ranks, Tom, had died. He decided then that he would be tactful in informing Tom that his mother had passed on. He thought about it and decided on a course of action.

He summoned all his soldiers and lined them up in formation. He then announced, “All those with mothers step forward.” When Tom obeyed and stepped forward, he turned to him and said, “Not you Tom.”

A similar thing happened to a man who was on vacation. Before proceeding on his holiday, he left his dog with a friend. The friend forgot to feed the dog who died of starvation. Feeling sad about the whole thing he called the man on vacation and broke the sad news to him.

The man reprimanded his friend for being inconsiderate and breaking such sad news to him when he was trying to have a good time on vacation.

He told his friend that instead of simply coming out and informing him that his dog had died, he could have broken the news in sequence, as for example one day calling to say that the dog was on the roof, the next day that the dog had fallen off the roof and the third day by coming to the point and saying that the dog had not survived.

The friend agreed that he was not considerate enough and decided that the next time something sad happened he would break the news gently.

A few days later the man on vacation got a call from his friend. The friend calmly told him, “Your grandmother is on the roof!”