Two important causal factors are being sidelined

Sep 01, 2013 Features / Columnists, Peeping Tom

There can be no justification for domestic violence; none whatsoever. Those involved in these acts should face the full brunt of the law. However, many of them escape punishment because their victims decline to give evidence against them. There are as many reasons why this happens as there are causes of domestic violence.
Addressing the underlying contributory factors of domestic violence remains the only way to effectively reduce its incidence. But if one is serious about addressing domestic violence, then all the possible causal factors must be laid on the table, no matter how disconcerting some of them may be.
There has in recent times been much discussion about the factors that contribute to domestic violence, but interestingly, two of these factors are often left out of the debate. The first of these is the increased incidence of adultery that is taking place within our country.
There are no statistics to indicate the degree of cheating that is presently taking place. In any event, any such statistics would never be reliable, because not many people are willing to admit to such behaviour. However, judging from anecdotal evidence, it is obvious that “blow” is on the rise in Guyana.
Once there was a middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters, but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for a son.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the hospital to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: “There’s no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?”
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: “Not this time!”
There are many spouses who are cheating on their partners. In many cases also, one partner is accusing the other of cheating, even though there may not be evidence to this effect, a quarrel takes place and the next thing that happens is that domestic violence rears its ugly head.
The rising tide of infidelity must be addressed in any debate on domestic violence. The pretence that this is not a major contributing factor to domestic violence should cease. It is a reality that has to be faced.
Just recently, the Minister of Home Affairs pointed to the fact that while some miners are away in the “backdam” working the gold mines, some other men are doing their own mining with the miners’ wives.
It also works the other way too. There are some men who believe that it is all right to have multiple partners and when they are discovered they resort to violence, even though they are in the wrong.
If you listen to the stories of the victims and abusers alike, a common thread often stands out: there is always a suspicion about unfaithfulness, whether in fact or because of mere suspicion borne out of insecurity.
The second factor that is often swept under the proverbial carpet is the culture of violence that exists within ex-colonial societies and which is a direct result of the brutalities of the colonial experience. Order within colonial society was enforced through violence. People were flogged to work; beaten as punishment for wrongdoing; beaten to be made an example of and beaten, also, for no reason at all.
Former colonies need to emancipate themselves from the culture of violence. This violence has found itself in homes where some parents discipline their children by beating them with whips and belts, and in some cases, with their bare hands. Many a child has experienced violence at home. When that child goes to school he is further flogged by teachers. And sometimes when that child returns home, he sees his father beating his mother or vice versa, though the latter was not very commonplace. When that drama of violence is played out throughout someone’s childhood, that child may grow up to believe that it all right to beat his own partner.
This is the sort of violence that exists because of the historical experience of countries that underwent colonialism. However, many of those of those engaged in the debate about domestic violence do not wish to concede that post-colonial societies have still not yet rid themselves of the culture of violence that characterized the colonial era.
Not willing to accept this fact and not willing to concede the high incidence of infidelity, unfaithfulness and adultery within relationships will not take the debate in the direction which it ought to go, because two important causal factors are being sidelined.

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Two important causal factors are being sidelined

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