Rice, pigeons, magistrates, jokes and lies

Mar 24, 2011 Features / Columnists, Freddie Kissoon

I was in Magistrate Sohan’s traffic court on Tuesday morning to get a new date for my trial on obstruction stemming from the episode at Le Repentir dumpsite. Our case is supposed to be called tomorrow but there was a notice in the newspapers on Sunday that informs the public that no magistrate will sit on that date because from thereon they will be in “professional engagements.”
Now this is a joke – magistrates going on professional activities?
Not all magistrates but quite a number of them appear comical in the eyes of the nation because they have no clue about the law. You wonder how some of these magistrates could face the public when their intellectual and professional routines are so poor.
How can you deny a person bail when there is no proof of flight or witness tampering? Should the professors who taught these people not recall their qualifications? As we were leaving, Mark Benschop and I began to chat with Moses Nagamootoo when Magistrate Omeyana Hamilton asked to speak to Nagamootoo.
She had just received her dismissal notice for refusing to travel to Bartica by speedboat.
Back to Mr. Sohan’s court. The court was in an uproar. The police were laughing and the Magistrate couldn’t hide his amusement. A 65-year-old grandmother was charged by the city police for keeping an unclean surrounding.
Her lawyer explained that for two years she has been feeding the pigeons that live on the electric wires outside her home. The diet was uncooked rice which the birds pick from the front of the yard. One day, the noise from the neighbour’s fence renovation upset the pigeons and they went back on their poles. The neighbour summoned the city constabulary thus the charge. In the meantime, outside granny’s home on the streets in Alberttown, the dung of the birds has left the roads in a mess.
The city constabulary is a comical bunch that needs to apply to the Mexican circus for employment. Better yet, the members should go to the Russian circus where the winter should freeze their brains. In the dirtiest, nastiest, foulest capital city on Planet Earth, the city police can charge a 65-yearold person with unhygienic surroundings because there is uncooked rice in the front of the yard.
Every street in Georgetown, even where the last of the European aristocracy lives, fetid rubbish that can bring about bubonic plague. A person is a complete jackass to go into the yard of someone in Alberttown and charge a citizen with uncooked rice on the ground when the entire environment of Georgetown is in a sickening mess.
The magistrate looked amused but I detected a sense of disgust on his face.
This has to be the most comical country in the world. In a putrid, decaying city, a citizen can be charged with littering and what is the litter? Uncooked rice in her yard. The City Council prosecutor was the object of derision when the magistrate asked him if he thinks he can secure a conviction.
The guy rose from his seat and said yes. This misguided soul was not ashamed to say yes. This country really has one resource only, and that is amusement. It can sell amusement the way the Arabs sell oil.
Here is a form of hilarity that involves, of all places, the Office of the President. There is a nauseatingly immoral blog that condemns the opposition, private media and anti-government critics using the most violent and morbid language. Most Guyanese know it is run by people in really high places with real power. I guess you know who I am referring to? Mr. Bennettitaceous and his bennettitaceous crew.
By now you should know what bennettitaceous means. I’ll give you a clue. Why would you give an inexperienced young foreigner a job in the public service and pay him $4 million a month?
As I continue to use this adjective, I will give you more clues. I do not mean it lightly when I say a study of bennettitaceous politics in Guyana will offer many insights into the way certain leaders behave and the type of assistants they have around them.
When the President was in India, this blog posted photos of the visit that GINA was not in possession of. When asked if the Office of the President is responsible for this blog, Kawme Mc Coy uttered the most asinine thing. It was comic strips in full swing. He said Kaieteur News and Prime News own the site

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Rice, pigeons, magistrates, jokes and lies

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